6 month blues

The beginning of week 24 started with some great energy. I could finally stay up, cook, clean and feel excited about my work and projects. I even got a great start on 2 projects I've been meaning to start for at least a year! I was feeling good, I was myself again!

But hormones my friend are a biatch! Them together with too much time alone in a house can take you to dark places. I've been nesting like a mother and making the place nice, staying on top of shores and to do's lists and then... Yesterday was Friday. My favorite day of the week. The day I'm relaxed in view of a weekend to take it easy and let Ed do the daddy thing. Fridays I am OK if Mr L doesn't eat his oatmeal and decides to snack all day long milk in hand and 5 stuffed "friends" following us to every room in the house. Fridays we can have cake and watch Winnie the Pooh.
But even though our day was pretty good, at the end of it my fuel was running low. So when Ed had to stay late at work my exhaustion took over and my preggo brain went at it, bringing all fears of a tough future with 2 kids to the present. I cried a bit and I slowed down, being able to just sit in bed and read to Liam until it was time to put him to bed which came late since he had a late nap.

I really dislike how hormones can take over and make you feel like a different person. You say and do the wrong things and just feel so sad, no happy solutions in sight.

Good thing is I usually hold on to that for a day and no more. Saturday we went to the hospital tour and we were all very happy and excited seeing how awesome it all was. We got to see two newborn babies and that brought such a great feeling that the fears went back to fear land and left me for now.

Dating and real life...

These past couple of days have been both awesome and tough. Ed has been home for over 2 weeks on vacation so he's spent a lot of time with Liam giving me a break to rest, sleep and work. I have fallen in love with him as a father, he is just exceptional and the best father I know. He loves Liam so much and doesn't see spending time with him as a sacrifice. He never complains and keeps his cool when dealing with difficult times. Just pure awesomeness.

The two weeks started with Ed working from home a couple of days because he was sick. I was feeling a bit down those days so it was nice to have him around the house. I was down mainly because I felt tired and disconnected. Even though I am extremely happy with the move to NJ, there are things that are harder. I feel a bit isolated. Obviously we have to make friends etc but that is not always easy. We have to make an effort and I'm sure that will come with time. For the moment I just needed a break.

Then I received a call from the doctor's office with the sequential test results. In short this is the second test they do to check for Down Sindrome and other abnormalities and the numbers came lower than the first test. I was devastated. Ed did the research and found the numbers were not bad at all, but I couldn't hear him. I just saw everything blurry and wanted to cry and be taken care of, to sleep and hide from it all.

We took a break and went to the movies while his brother and sis in law stayed with Mr. L. It was a sorta depressing movie (The Descendants) but it was great to spend some time with my Ed.

We ended up going for a detailed sonogram and counseling and after all that we decided it was time to stop the madness. At 22 weeks the sonogram looked perfect and there was no way in hell we were going to risk our baby with more tests, no matter how "safe" they are. At this point we are having him no matter what. YES! Another little boy. We are so excited!

So women out there be careful with all the information you get. The fact that there are tests doesn't mean we need to take them all. They are tests not diagnosis. Numbers and odds. They are good to have but the whole experience can be overwhelming and can take the focus from what is important, you and your new baby. Make your doctor or midwife sit down with you and explain what it all means before being pushed into doing what it's easy for everybody else but you.

Sleeping, napping and blood sausages

Now past the first trimester, my old belly is being pushed by a new harder one.
Sleeping is becoming a bit of a challenge. Sleeping on my side is giving me lower back pain so I'm moving around all night trying to get comfortable. I'm thinking of getting one of those long sausage-looking preggo pillows to see if it helps. The other issue is that I'm using ear plugs to be able to ignore "someone else's" snoring and that is making my hearing all fussy during the day. To add to the mix Mr L. (aka first kid - now 2 yrs, 2 months) decided all of a sudden to stop napping and now we have a new ordeal to get into for the Holidays. I'm sure we will tag team it again and between Google searches and long night conversations (instead of relaxing couple time) the napping issue will be resolved.

Blood sausage is not on the list of things to avoid during pregnancy, or is it? My friends' posts on Facebook about Puerto Rican Holidays and all the food we eat on the island started to get me obsessed about it. Since we moved some months ago all that stuff becomes "the golden ticket" because even though you can probably find around el Barrio some reasonable facsimile it is NEVER the real deal. I got a bit obsessed with the idea of having "pasteles" (plantain cakes), "morcilla" (blood sausage), cuajo (cow's stomach stew) sent over. I know, very appetizing. My mom, being the saint she is (or alcagüeta=person who lives to please others) spent a little fortune looking for the best stuff and sending it over next day. Opening that box to me was like a 15 second trip to the island, the smells, the familiarity of all that goodness. YUM! Now, I'm pretty sure I will need to hide around the house to be able to eat most of the stuff since my husband is very concerned about all I eat while pregnant and knows all the "rules" better than I. For me since this is a second pregnancy I have to be honest and say I'm taking it a bit easier on myself. I still know I have to do my best to get this second baby as much as I gave Mr. L, but since the new baby won't be born on the island at least I can get him/her started with some Boricua goodness filling his/her tummy. ¡A comer!

123 and then they were 4...

Here we are. Almost 16 weeks into it and the "second kid" is already getting the "second kid" treatment.
This pregnancy was a neat surprise. We were recuperating from the loss of a pregnancy when we moved to NJ and all of a sudden "BOOM" we are at it again and very excited. Excited, yes but also afraid. Any person whom has gone through a miscarriage is marked forever and any other go-at-it comes with a decent amount of fear.
I always heard that every pregnancy is different, and even though I honestly don't remember much about the first one, (another symptom of motherhood: I've become dumb and slow) this one is definitely different. Or maybe not, again I don't remember and I have to constantly ask Ed for references.
I've lost like 7 pounds because I don't have an appetite. Which is sorta OK because I gained a lot of weight after I slowed down on the breastfeeding but still I have to eat healthy. Add to that that I am working again from home while Liam is away for 3 hours in Nursery school and that to cook you need time and desire to cook (meaning I will eat something if its put infront of me but if I have to cook it... yuck!)
Next week  I will go and get the second part of the "old lady who wants to have a baby test". Meaning they scare you to death with some percentile crap that should give you an idea of your chances to have a kid with Down Syndrome or other kind of issue. We got and "intermediate risk" and by the time they explained how they get to that "result" I had already cried in the car and made my husband come home early from work. All in all, I actually tested very well (for my old lady age - 35) but they still make some more tests to confirm you will be fine or to scare the heck out of you again and give you more choices that get even scarier.
Right now I want to relax and enjoy the fact that everybody is healthy and happy so I can concentrate on the fun part... Buying cool stuff and deciding on the name!  More on what 16 weeks is like...