6 month blues

The beginning of week 24 started with some great energy. I could finally stay up, cook, clean and feel excited about my work and projects. I even got a great start on 2 projects I've been meaning to start for at least a year! I was feeling good, I was myself again!

But hormones my friend are a biatch! Them together with too much time alone in a house can take you to dark places. I've been nesting like a mother and making the place nice, staying on top of shores and to do's lists and then... Yesterday was Friday. My favorite day of the week. The day I'm relaxed in view of a weekend to take it easy and let Ed do the daddy thing. Fridays I am OK if Mr L doesn't eat his oatmeal and decides to snack all day long milk in hand and 5 stuffed "friends" following us to every room in the house. Fridays we can have cake and watch Winnie the Pooh.
But even though our day was pretty good, at the end of it my fuel was running low. So when Ed had to stay late at work my exhaustion took over and my preggo brain went at it, bringing all fears of a tough future with 2 kids to the present. I cried a bit and I slowed down, being able to just sit in bed and read to Liam until it was time to put him to bed which came late since he had a late nap.

I really dislike how hormones can take over and make you feel like a different person. You say and do the wrong things and just feel so sad, no happy solutions in sight.

Good thing is I usually hold on to that for a day and no more. Saturday we went to the hospital tour and we were all very happy and excited seeing how awesome it all was. We got to see two newborn babies and that brought such a great feeling that the fears went back to fear land and left me for now.

Dating and real life...

These past couple of days have been both awesome and tough. Ed has been home for over 2 weeks on vacation so he's spent a lot of time with Liam giving me a break to rest, sleep and work. I have fallen in love with him as a father, he is just exceptional and the best father I know. He loves Liam so much and doesn't see spending time with him as a sacrifice. He never complains and keeps his cool when dealing with difficult times. Just pure awesomeness.

The two weeks started with Ed working from home a couple of days because he was sick. I was feeling a bit down those days so it was nice to have him around the house. I was down mainly because I felt tired and disconnected. Even though I am extremely happy with the move to NJ, there are things that are harder. I feel a bit isolated. Obviously we have to make friends etc but that is not always easy. We have to make an effort and I'm sure that will come with time. For the moment I just needed a break.

Then I received a call from the doctor's office with the sequential test results. In short this is the second test they do to check for Down Sindrome and other abnormalities and the numbers came lower than the first test. I was devastated. Ed did the research and found the numbers were not bad at all, but I couldn't hear him. I just saw everything blurry and wanted to cry and be taken care of, to sleep and hide from it all.

We took a break and went to the movies while his brother and sis in law stayed with Mr. L. It was a sorta depressing movie (The Descendants) but it was great to spend some time with my Ed.

We ended up going for a detailed sonogram and counseling and after all that we decided it was time to stop the madness. At 22 weeks the sonogram looked perfect and there was no way in hell we were going to risk our baby with more tests, no matter how "safe" they are. At this point we are having him no matter what. YES! Another little boy. We are so excited!

So women out there be careful with all the information you get. The fact that there are tests doesn't mean we need to take them all. They are tests not diagnosis. Numbers and odds. They are good to have but the whole experience can be overwhelming and can take the focus from what is important, you and your new baby. Make your doctor or midwife sit down with you and explain what it all means before being pushed into doing what it's easy for everybody else but you.